I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
