He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
