drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
