I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
