watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
