I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
