stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
