dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
