ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
