Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
