a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
