I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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