If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
