i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
