apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
