I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
should my penis look like a turkey
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
