I puked a lego.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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