I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
