i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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