How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
