Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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