i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
