dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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