I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
