Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
