Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
