Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
