My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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