Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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