Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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