3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
