I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
