his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
