he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
