Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
