i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
