You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
