My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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