i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
