At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Randomize
