Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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