toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
