brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
