alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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