The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
