I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
