i don't like sucking hair
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
