Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
