awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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