since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
