he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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