Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
