so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We left the knife in your bed.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
